It was only a dream......

hey guys! im back with another poem. this ones called 'vivid dreams of the longing'. i wrote this one about the recent dreams ive been having. i shall post, in detail, what the dreams were about so stay tuned!


Vivid dreams of the longing

Sleep brings a new world, impossibilities disarmed by an optimistic mind, 

Hope engulfs reality, drowning out the bitterness of a saddend past.

Cross over into perilous desire, our hearts sing to a better tomorrow. 

a silent divide bridged. lifes oncoming hurricane destroys what's not to be, 

fantasy self implodes, i loose my grip on what i dream

Solaced mind now lay in ruin, your swept away by the violent tide. 

The melodies of your sweet siren song now set with the rising sun.

Soulful memories volume: 2

meaning within the words

For now, I want to skip a head to 2009. This year for me was one I feel Passed me by. Many days of lounging around uninspired but, some good came out of it. I reconnected with an old friend, not knowing how much of an impact shed have on my life. One week I was feeling really ill. I was in bed quite alot. With that free time and my trusty iPod, I spoke with her some more. She brought up a song called 'love me for me' and asked me to listen to it. Im not an rnb guy by any stretch but I listened anyway. As we continued to speak, she mentioned how much the song meant to her and how she related to it. She told me shed looked everywhere for the lyrics but couldn't find them. Knowing how much the song meant to her, I wrote the lyrics by hand, sick and all. Listen after listen, I finished the lyrics (bar two words) her gratitude was amazing. Still to this day I remember how pleased she was, let alone, all the lyrics to the song.... Lol

Soulful memories volume: 1

I thought id start with a memory from my last school year. it surely had its lows but, it did produce some standout moments for me. disclaimer: any names have not been included due to confidentiality purposes    

Her 

2008 was an emotionally draining year for me. I was flunking school and growing very depressed. Late that year, my class of 10D were given an assignment; to work with a grade two class from deer park north primary school, my old stomping yard, and create an original story. With the preparation finished, my class headed off to deer park north to work with out grade two partners. As we were leaving, I noticed 'her'. A friend and crush of mine, she was struggling with her heavy bag. One after another, my class mates would pass her by, without even a second glance as she dragged her bag across the floor. It saddened me. There was no way I'd pass her by. I gladly helped her by taking her bag from her. The walk to the primary school was great. We spoke to each other and joked, just like old times. For that short time, the stress of the year vanished. I didn't want anything in return for my kindness but, the smile she gave me made my heart race. Her memories of me may fade, but the image of her smile that day will stay with me

New segment!

hey everyone! Im adding a new segment to, soulful madness: a haunted mind! In this segment, I look back and share some of my favorite memories thus far. After all, a haunted mind has it's high points too. 

I can do anything i want..im just too busy

Ha an edited futurama line for a post title? you know this ones gonna be good... this one, i also just wrote. the meaning is more or less, chase your dreams and live the life you want and make the most of your time or you'll regret it. a meaning im sure we can all relate to in some way 

The ambiance of a failed life

The longing, the thirst for vindication of hope. Time changes seasons with every hour, the leaves of opportunity wither and die yet,
The pulse of faith sounds, clinging onto fragments of unanswered prayers, you daydream a different future. Your misguided fantasy casts it's shadow, success turns its back. Your sad reality is all you have. Forever growing stronger in a failed life's ambiance 

Unable to disconnect, please contact administrator

i just wrote this one a few minutes ago. this piece is about the kind of false hope i feel 

when it comes to love and its effects

disconnect

I'm living in the dream that is your smile, moving to the beat of your heart, you are the air I breathe.
Reality storms, this dream is empty.
Immobilized by an unseen entity, love conquers me, refusing to let go.
reliving heartbreak, deja vu depicting agony. I fail at freedom, slowly fading as my heart turns to nothingness. The air I once breathed now toxic vapor, filling my lungs with discontent

Soulful death metal

unlike my other works, this one wasn't written about a personal experience but, the concept of biological warfare. i have never successfully written death metal but, i took another shot. i think i delivered. 


all shall fall

Sadistic bio warfair, decaying the light less sky,

Mass genocide in the air we breathe

Inhale the man made infection

The body count rises, a statistic of the carnage, they will all circum.

incessant mutation, ravenous plague 

Forces all to anguish, day of reckoning brings this man made rapture Breathe in the toxic carnage of a world gone vile, all shall fall

Who you gonna call?

ahh hows that for a witty blog title?... heres one of my latest poems called 'ghost' this one is once more, written about a bad experience with romance and the after effects of all that happend. 


Ghost

You see right through me yet, you don't know who I am

Eyes trained like daggers

Attempted character assassination

False accusations feed your gluttonous ego, while the scraps fall for the masses, 

satisfying their judgmental lust

The me you loathe is the lie you believe

Spreading poison words while the truth remains tarnished

Your tainted psyche refuses to see

The person you hate is the man I will never be

do you feel a draft?

they say a picture says a thousand words, and your picture spoke volumes. i didnt quite get a thousand words but what i did get was a piece titled, 'the cold' as i touched on, this piece was written about my former crush and the feeling of being irreverent to her 


the cold

The merciless winter that are your eyes, they don't warm to me.

Loveless frozen slumber. My heart beats to the sorrow, the discontent.

Frost bitten are the hands I dreamt of holding you with. Your warmth evades them.

The ice has been broken and now I fall. 

My blood running colder with every thought of you, tears now frozen in time. 

With every thought, every dream, I grow colder.

I got a feeling....

yes maybe the title of this post was a black eyed peas reference... looks like i ran out of witty titles..
this piece is one of my few short stories, if you can call it that. its a piece all about the pros and cons of love and emotion


Feel

In life we feel many emotions,

From the simple joy of looking at a star lit night sky to a laugh shared among friends.

Everyone feels. But there comes a time where you meet someone, someone who makes those feelings more powerful.

 Who with a smile can make your heart sore among the clouds, someone who makes life seem perfect yet real.

 But what if these feelings fall of def ears? You give your heart only for it to be given back. What do you do then?.

The perfect world of your hearts disire does not come to furistion. The happiness turns to tears with every memory. 

What if you had your time back again? What would you change? Judgement is blinded by passion as your heart aches. 

Maybe there's a second chance somewhere.

You seem to be shrouded by a black cloud until, one day, the emotional storm passes and your ready to love again.

 Everyone feels but it's those who make us feel weather high or low that make life worth while.

Wanting time back

the meaning to this one is in the title itself, all about regret. it was, once again written about someone special and the things id do if i had my time over


Regret

if I spoke my mind, I'd speak of you.

My heart aches. Second chances Non existent. 

So many things I wish I'd done. 

Walking you to class when you were alone.

Holding your hand in mine.

making you smile for the sake of it as our hearts beat as one.

The sweet serenity in your eyes

In your honour

this one was also written in January of this year. inspired by a past crush, this is kinda an open letter to her. i thought id mix it up a bit and experiment. this is what i got out of it

in regards to you

Hey girl I wish you well

I hope your doing fine

I'm writing you this song so I hope you take the time

To find a way, To hear me out 

If this dosnt mean a thing to you then turn away

When I'm lost and can't be found And I'm sinking inside

The world dont seem so bad when I see it through your eyes

Time stands still When I see you smile, I hope this moment lasts forever.

So once again I'm well and I'm hoping your fine

I hope that I can see you again in time....

Embracing sorrow

this was my first piece of this year! i wrote this one back in January. entitled sorrow, it depicts my emotional issues and the aftermath of my worst heartbreak. personally, to this day, i believe that sorrow is still one of my most badass pieces

sorrow

My heart decays, Ever descending into emptiness

Crying tears of self desire.

Scream my lungs out, the walls are closing in. 

Trapped in my own self destruction

 I look inside to see your face, your blank and loveless eyes

reaching for your hand, the glass it slashes mine.

Blood letting my deepest sorrow, You fade away

Inside my soul is hollow , Falling away

Blood letting my deepest sorrow , You fade away

Crying tears of self desire, My heart decays

Reaching a milestone

yesterday, i hit my first 100 views on this blog. it may not seem like much but its a milestone that im very proud of. a huge thank you to those who took the time to check my blog out. i hope that you have taken something out of my works and that you keep coming back for more. i write from the heart and from my experiences and i hope it shows. once more, to all of you, thank you so much, may this be the start of something great! 

Glue aint gonna fix this

this is the second of two of my most heartfelt and emotional works ever. about the same heartbreak as 'turning the page' was. after days of crying over the heartbreak, i took to my writing to help ease my pain and, this was the result


delusions of a broken heart

The night is quiet, im holding tight how happiness changes with in a blink of an eye

Im kicking rocks along this barren road where time, it goes so slow 
How can i live for tomorrow when today wont go?

So now im stranded cold and alone Hoping somehow you'll call me and say you love me back, i know that cant happen, i must understand, its just a delusion of a broken heart.

Here come the water works

we go now from upbeat to rock bottom depression. this piece was one of two poems i wrote about my most painful heartbreak ever. i actually got very emotional while writing this one. even now, its hard to read for me. none the less, my heart went into this one and i think it delivers an emotional kick to those who read it. 

turning the page (dreams of kissing you)

Now i wake to my harsh reality. That I’m not waking to your face.

My heart beats to your personality but its clear im not the one.

I could cry my tears to form a lake, i could try to write my way out of this emotionally fragile state

But i’ll try to take the hurting the only way i can in hope that one day im a stronger man

Never gonna dry your eyes, never gonna hold you in my arms, never gonna fly like and eagle and reach for the stars. I’ll think of you all day and cry through the night but, i’ll turn the page when i reach the stage, where dreams of kissing you say goodbye

This ones for the birds

i wrote this with the intention of turning a painful experience into kinda an upbeat piece. the lyrics may be a little sad but, my work is always open to new interpretations  


you may be human but id take owl girl anyday

I should have known should have seen it all along, to be wary of the trap you laid. 

Now i free fall into heartbreak, try to find my way out but, the only way up is down. 

Turn that smile upside down to build a bridge, nowhere boundyou’ll find me some way, somehow

with every step i take, with every move you make; you just keep me coming back for more.  

I don’t regret all the time that i spent chancing you but the time that I was running I could have built that bridge to get me over you.

It takes two

this piece is a very special one because it was inspired by my best friend. she came up with a acoustic guitar melody and i wrote the lyrics around it. alot of heart went into this one.


untitled

Hold on because im coming home, the smile on your face I just cant let go

The touch of your hands, the look in your eyes, fall sweetly into my arms under starlit sky

In this moment, here together, I look to heaven and drift away

In this moment, forever more

Ode to solitude

solace was difficult to find during my bad patches of mental illness. second guessing and over thinking were not uncommon. this one is about myself and the search for happiness. the title of this blog is a homage to HIM.


solace (thrive or be forgotten)

Hope, fades to nothing, defeat dominates.

We search our very souls for answers yet to find

When fate is wrong can we stand in its path?

Is our existence portrayed in black and white?

Do we venture for something more or just say goodbye?

Break down the walls of heartbreak

Yearn for solace

Blinded we reach the end

Will we thrive or be forgotten?

Force fed the sands of time

Will we thrive or be forgotten?

our existence portrayed in black and white

(Will we thrive or be forgotten?)

Force fed the sands of time

(Will we thrive or be forgotten?)

Forever seeking solace

(Will we thrive or be forgotten?

Heeding the call

this one was written as a call out to those who are mentally ill like myself. on my own, i found myself really struggling with my problems and i know others are the same. this one is one i wrote to say 'united we are strong'


Call to arms

our footsteps echo on the walls of misery,

our tears feed the hunger of the beast inside.

Its fury rises like a cloud of napalm, scorching the face of happiness.

Crawl through the daggers, scrape through the broken glass, will we see the light or just live another day?

 Come forth and stand beside me, there is a path to take, stay strong and fight the battle, united we win the war.

The struggle within us confronts our very soul, unguarded and unprotected, we become the casualty.

Engulfed in darkness, portrayed in nothingness, will you lift the veil, or succumb to agony?

 Fall down or get back up, the choice is yours but as long as my hearts still beating, my sun will shatter the sky.

 This is your call to arms, let my words be heard, united we win the war.

The taste of failure

this one came to be as i was reflecting on my last year at school. desperately depressed and with failing grades, i decided to leave school at the end of 2008. this poem is a reflection of those events 


to fail


Im empty, my world is on fire.
 Burning ambition turns to ash. 
The scent of failure shrouds my broken dreams. 
My bright future now depraved of light, Im a shell of a man. 
Their faces mock me, their laughter haunts me. 
Every “I told you so” cuts like a knife. 
My hopes and dreams are bleeding out.
 im left to walk the shadows of a failed life.
 no longer will i reach for the stars

A new era of madness

2010 was the year depression and anxiety dominated me. it, at times got overwhelming. this piece describes that level of intensity as well as my first real panic attack

my darkness

emotion chokes me for breath, sadness consumes me.

 holding on to a bittersweet smile as these walls cave in.

 faint whimpers fade to black with every bead of sweat.

 im living a dream of nightmarish reality from which i may not wake. 

the thoughts are like poison turning my blood cold. 

they tell me its fine and i'll be ok but their words carry no weight, for this war is mine, this demon i must slay 

A short story

this is a short story i wrote off an idea ive had for a few years. written in early 2010, its one of my only short stories to date.


I’m taking the long walk where every step feels like a mile, where the only one who walks beside me is my shadow. I’m about to step into the fire not knowing if I’ll leave the same man. The cage door slams behind me as I enter my steel prison. The doubt, the nerves run through my mind but not once do my eyes leave my opponents gaze. I can smell his fear and he smells mine. Or faces show no emotion for once that bell rings, all that was human about us would have vanished. The bell sounds and the desire to win now drives my every move. We exchange punches. With each blow we land, our fire burns brighter. My hunger for victory heightens. I land a punch that sent my opponent crashing to the floor. My chance is now. I throw punches like bombs with each one hitting the mark. For that moment time stopped. The crowd was in black and white. I turn my head and gaze apon a little girl. Sadness marked on her face and tears in her eyes. I try to stop my onslaught but it’s too late. “Daddy!!” The little girl screamed. I won the fight but at what cost? Did my thirst for victory consume me? After all what good is a win when you lose your humanity in the process. I sat in the locker room looking at my swollen scraped knuckles. All I could see was that little girls face. I didn’t just hurt her father, i hurt her even more.

Venting through ink

this one, again, was written in 2008. a more frustration charged piece. this was also the first piece of mine to be read out loud. some jackasses though it would be funny to take my writing book and read out loud. whos laughing now bitches? well... now that i read this one over....i am


ghosts of feelings past


This shit haunts me and its making me mad
i never meant to make things this bad
my only sanctuary is in my mind
searching for lost memories i cant stand to find
tormented by the people that i left behind
laughed at by the people that i tried to save
the pain of these memories i badly crave


these memories rock me like a sonic blast
here come the ghosts of feelings past
so much negativity, how long can this last?
im being slaughtered by the ghosts of feelings past 

Crying a river

staying with the old school theme, here is what i consider one of my most significant poems. again this 
ones from 2008 and its not the greatest but, the emotion to it is very real


drowning in a river of tears


Oh when did my life go wrong? A young man swept into darkness so young. Your words cut into my heart like daggers and your silence puts me in my grave. 
This act so depraved, as I pray to be saved. You look me dead in the eyes, smile and turn away. I still cry to this day. In a river of tears I lay.
How could you be so cold? The bones of our friendship so feeble and old, helpless and weak you put a gun to its head and fire the kill shot without any dread. Past memories bleed from its head.
This act so depraved, as I pray to be saved. You look me dead in the eyes, smile and turn away. I still cry to this day. In a river of tears I lay.

in the beginning

wow my first entry on here of what, im sure will be one of many. since this is the beginning of my blog, i figured id reach back into the archives and dust off one of my first ever complete poems. this one is from 2008 so its a bit crude, still enjoy it none the less.

Nosferatu

like a lamb to the slaughter i daw you in. not a person of god but a person of sin. deeper and deeper into my grasp. i was sent by the devil to do this hellish task. in the deepest dark i lay in wait, like i am the hunter and you are the prey. with my charming smile and devilish eyes i light the pathway to your demise. my chilling voice echos in the breeze. on the edge of madness you fall to your knees. frightend, crying and begging for your life as i end you with satans knife. i drain your body of its blood and leave you bloodless in the mud. as morning dawns i sleep in my cave till i wake the next night, blood i will crave